Is the Infiniti G35 the car for you?

"Swayze Train GTi" (swayzetrain) 05/16/2016 at 00:55 • Filed to: mod edit

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The Infiniti G35 is the official car of Florida’s west coast. It’s a car for guys who wear flatbill hats during sex and don’t own a single shirt with sleeves. People who own a G35 go to the gym and spend more time sitting at machines and texting than working out. It’s for people who actually smoke cigarettes to look cool. They insist that they don’t own an R-34 Skyline due to “The government banning them because they’re too fast for the cops to catch”. It’s the official car of replica wheels and hackjob straight pipes. G35 owners don’t know what a Datsun is, and they always skip leg day. The G35: Brought to you by Drake, Corona, carrying enough weed everywhere to classify your vehicle as a drug mule, light domestic abuse, and sharing a picture of every mildly expensive bottle of liquor you buy. For people who thought the Lexus SC430 wasn’t ugly enough.

If you think chin straps don’t make you look like a criminal, buy one. If you have gel in your hair and an accent that isn’t western or northern European, this is the car for you. If your first job was selling cellphone covers at a mall kiosk, you’ll love it. If you wish you could buy an M3, you can always pretend this is one, and the gauges will try their hardest to fool you every day. If you’d rather spend money on expensive and poorly thought out fire hazards subwoofers than maintenance items, you’ll fit right in. Make sure to leave your car running and the stereo at full volume whenever you park somewhere for a short amount of time, even at the risk of having your car stolen. If you want to be a #hellaflush #stancenation kid but you think Miatas are for homosexual men whom enjoy a good penis or two, you’ll appear much more masculine.

If you carry an unregistered concealed weapon without a permit, if you’re insured through L.A Insurance, if you’ve ever worked at a Buy Here Pay Here lot, if you take pictures of yourself holding money and/or stroking your aforementioned chinstrap, if you wear a leather jacket and don’t ride a motorcycle, if you wear sunglasses indoors, if you’re paying child support to a girl you impregnated in high school, if you take selfie videos while in your car, if you drive with one hand on top of steering wheel, if you put a shift knob on your automatic transmission, if you spend more money on shoes each month than food, if your listed occupation is “getin money”, if you’ve ever been tempted to buy Autozone chrome letters, if you think haters are a measure of how real you are, if your favorite boxer is Floyd Mayweather, if you’ve been married and divorced before the age of 25...

I could go on but I’m sure enough G35 owners are already imagining just how they might start a bar fight with me if our paths ever cross.

HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles > Swayze Train GTi 05/16/2016 at 01:18

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I wouldn’t mind a sedan, especially in green, but I would touch a coupe. To me they are almost two different cars, because of the stereotypical owners.

Emerald Mist Metallic is a really pretty color.

Rock Bottom > Swayze Train GTi 05/16/2016 at 01:20

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Solid. Fucking. Gold.

Swayze Train GTi > HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles 05/16/2016 at 01:26

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I prefer my greens a bit darker than that, but that is a pretty nice color. And you’re quite right about the coupe vs. sedan scene.

DipodomysDeserti > Swayze Train GTi 05/16/2016 at 01:54

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I feel like these guys are definitely vaping instead of smoking cigarettes now.

PanchoVilleneuve ST > Swayze Train GTi 05/16/2016 at 02:23

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Infiniti G coupes are the official car of guys who work IT circa 2004 or so.

I still like the early G cars a lot, and I would put Skyline badges on one without shame.

Chasaboo > Swayze Train GTi 05/16/2016 at 02:31

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The worst sounding exhaust note in the history of automobiles. So fake it clenches my rectum.

FSI - alcohol enthusiast with a car problem > Swayze Train GTi 05/16/2016 at 02:56

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I still want one only because the G35 is a unicorn in Europe.

Swayze Train GTi > FSI - alcohol enthusiast with a car problem 05/16/2016 at 03:34

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All things considered it does seem as though it would be a nice drive, and if it’s rare over there it probably has avoided the nasty reputation it’s cultivated stateside.

FSI - alcohol enthusiast with a car problem > Swayze Train GTi 05/16/2016 at 03:42

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The E90 does the G37's job in Europe.

Expo2k > Swayze Train GTi 05/16/2016 at 04:10

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Last year my wife’s ‘04 coupe got totaled, but we both loved that car. It was bone stock and in near-mint condition with 63k on the clock, and desert platinum just like your photo, except with the staggered wheel setup.

Maybe we don’t care about car stereotypes. I’ve been driving a WRX for 7 years, and we replaced her beloved G35 with a ‘15 Mustang GT.

We lived in the Seattle area, Virginia Beach, and North VA when we still had it, and I saw three times the number of riced/clapped out 350Zs than I did modded G35s.

TheRealBicycleBuck > Swayze Train GTi 05/16/2016 at 06:25

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My mother-in-law drives one.

Florida just needs more blue-hairs driving G35s and the Bros will move on.

ArmadaExpress drives a turbo outback > Swayze Train GTi 05/16/2016 at 08:30

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I have a soft spot for G37's, although honestly I’d rather have a 370Z. I am fortunate enough to have seen plenty G37s that aren’t owned by the stereotype you described.

In a Mini; let them mock me as My Mini Countryman is higher than you > Swayze Train GTi 05/16/2016 at 09:13

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Now that crowd has moved into Hyundai Genesis and KDM

190octane > Swayze Train GTi 05/16/2016 at 11:13

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So does this apply to g37 sedans as well, or is it that Florida in general is a weird shit hole?

I've heard these stereotypes and I'm sure there is a reason for them but I haven't seen this kind of douchebaggery out here in Southern California.

jkm7680 > Chasaboo 05/16/2016 at 21:41

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^ That exactly.

Really annoying and shrill also.

JasonStern911 > Swayze Train GTi 05/16/2016 at 23:27

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Cheap, powered by a respectable power generating and reliable VQ35 motor, front mid-engine layout, available with ATTESA AWD... I mean, I could try to copy a RegularCar rant to point out how GTis are just Jettas with a boy racer body kit, but why? You’d probably be too busy dealing with oil sludge or replacing your car’s head after the timing belt snapped after just 75k miles to read it.

Swayze Train GTi > JasonStern911 05/17/2016 at 00:09

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I didn’t make any attack against the dynamics of the vehicle. In fact I would say quite the opposite, it’s really not a bad drive at all for the money. But most of the people operating them don’t give a shit about any of that. As for the rest of the foaming, spittle laced words expectorating from your mouth, you really couldn’t have missed the mark more. Writing things in a humourous fashion that are related to cars is not a market Mr. Regular or any other autojourno has all to themselves. Secondly, I changed the timing belt in my recently purchased MX-5 last week, and the valve cover gasket of my mother’s 210k mile Chrysler T/C (on which I have been responsible for all maintenance past 98k) on Sunday, this is how much sludge I found:

Swayze Train GTi > 190octane 05/17/2016 at 00:57

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I haven’t been in awhile, but as I remember it, AMG cars are the equivalent over there, at least in LA. Most are actually base models with badges though.

Florida is kind of a weird shithole, but at the same time it’s kinda nice. The sort of place you enjoy visiting but would never want to live in.

Swayze Train GTi > ArmadaExpress drives a turbo outback 05/17/2016 at 01:02

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The funny part is, a guy came into my workplace today to buy a caliper for his G35. Fit this description almost to a T. The caliper he was replacing had seized because he had used a blowtorch in an attempt to get the slide pin loose and melted the boot off.

ArmadaExpress drives a turbo outback > Swayze Train GTi 05/17/2016 at 14:20

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***Hanging my head is despair***

Rico > Swayze Train GTi 05/18/2016 at 03:27

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Yo I never stifled so many laughs